In the U.S., death remains one of the last unspoken subjects. A new Vox article titled “The modern taboo that Americans just can’t seem to break” unpacks the deep-seated cultural reluctance to talk about dying, grief, or end-of-life planning—and the real-world consequences of that silence.
The Silence That Shapes Our Experience
Despite nearly half of Americans thinking about death at least once a month—and a quarter doing so daily—many avoid the subject altogether. In a 2018 survey, while 92% agreed that discussing end-of-life preferences was important, only 32% had actually taken action to establish a will or advance directive. In my experience, men are much less likely to want to have these conversations and sadly, that often leaves a lot of stress and anxiety on their family, not to mention all the after death planning and arrangements that have to be made.
What’s behind this disconnection in talking about death? According to Vox, topics like aging, medical decline, financial burden, or spiritual uncertainty all can contribute to our collective avoidance. Death has become sanitized, euphemized, and polite—but emotionally detached. As writer Claire Bidwell Smith puts it: “Death is the ultimate loss of control.”
I also believe that if we haven’t been taught that it’s okay to talk about death, we simply don’t. If, during your childhood, no relatives needed end of life care, and death wasn’t discussed in school, church or your home, it’s likely you grew up without the tools — or the comfort — to talk about it now. And let’s be honest: it’s uncomfortable to confront the fact that one day, we won’t be here any longer. Sometimes, it just feels easier not to think about it at all — and that’s exactly where the trouble begins.
The Rising Death-Positive Movement
Fortunately, there are many of us out here trying to change this. Founded by mortician Caitlin Doughty in 2011, The Order of the Good Death is emblematic of a broader death-positive movement that encourages open discussion of mortality, grief, and body autonomy. Through death cafés, artistic expression, public dialogue, and educational efforts, the movement seeks to reclaim death as a natural part of life. And it is…death for all of us inevitable; nobody is getting out of here alive.
This cultural shift is supported by growing awareness campaigns and media platforms that aim to normalize conversations about suffering, values, legacy, and loss. As part of this movement, I’ve had the opportunity to share insights through podcast interviews, and this month — August — I’ll be speaking at a Death & Dying Symposium to help educate others on the importance of reclaiming open, honest dialogue around death and, how death doulas can help.
What Death Doulas Offer in the Midst of Fear
1. Emotional and Practical Support
Death doulas—sometimes called death midwives or end-of-life doulas—offer holistic, non-medical support and care that complements but goes beyond what traditional hospice or medical teams can provide. We offer emotional and physical companionship, end of life planning guidance, legacy support and help with the many practical details that arise during this time. One of the key differences is time: unlike hospice teams who are often stretched thin due to staffing and budget limitations, I’m able to spend significantly more time with each client — typically between 5 to 10 hours (or longer) — providing space for deeply personally conversations and thoughtful preparation.
This extended support allows us to explore your values, articulate your wishes, aid in family discussions, and co-create a meaningful, dignified experience rooted in presence, care and dignity.
2. A Pathway to Meaningful Conversation
We plan for so many of life’s milestones—births, weddings, vacations, retirements—often down to the smallest details. But when it comes to the end of life and our death, planning is often avoided or delayed until it’s too late to have meaningful conversations. The truth is, the best time to think about what matters most at the end of your life is now, while you’re able to reflect with clarity and calm. In a culture that avoids death-talk, doulas help bridge the gap by asking the hard questions and guiding conversations. We help to support emotional awareness and help individuals navigate pain, fear, grief, and uncertainty with clarity and human connection.
We empower families to explore questions like:
- What’s most meaningful to you in dying well?
- Who would you like by your side? (and an even more important question, who don’t you want?)
- What would you want your loved ones to know?
- Is it important to you to leave a legacy? If so, lets talk about how we can do that.
- And many more questions…
3. Reducing Isolation and Confusion
Avoiding conversations about end-of-life wishes often leads to confusion, last-minute decisions (sometimes bad ones!), conflict within families and sometimes medical interventions that may not align with what the person truly wants. As a Death Doula, I provide the time, space and guidance needed to bring clarity and peace of mind to both the individual and their loved ones. I work closely with clients and families to ensure they understand their rights — including the right to stop or decline medical treatments — and help them feel confident in expressing their wishes. These thoughtful discussions reduce uncertainty, prevent unnecessary medical procedures and help everyone involved feel more connected and prepared. The result is a sense of safety, support and alignment — where the person approaching their end of life feels seen, heard and protected and their family feels unified in honoring those wishes.
4. Amplifying Death Literacy
By guiding clients through advance care planning, memory-making rituals, and legacy conversations, Death Doulas help increase understanding, clarity, and a sense of agency around death. I offer clients a detailed resource guide and a thoughtfully curated list of questions designed to uncover their values, preferences, and priorities. These tools allow us to go deep—not just into the logistical aspects of dying, but into what truly matters most to them. Together, we create a clear plan that reflects who they are and how they want to be cared for in their final days.
This process is more than just paperwork; it’s a deeply personal journey of reflection and empowerment. Clients often tell me that having these conversations—though difficult at first—brought unexpected peace, confidence, and even healing. Families, too, feel relieved knowing that decisions are made with intention and love, and that they are not left guessing when the time comes.
My closing thoughts…
Talking about death doesn’t make it worse—it can actually make life richer. When we acknowledge what’s finite, we begin to recognize what matters most. Death doulas exist to support that brave, messy, tender conversation—and to help walk alongside people who want it, when they want it. By engaging a death doula, you’re choosing to break the cultural silence around mortality and embrace a more intentional, values-centered approach to end-of-life and even just living NOW. Death doulas bridge practical planning with emotional and spiritual support—enhancing death literacy, easing family communication, and creating meaningful legacy experiences. As the Hospice News article “The Untapped Potential of End‑of‑Life Doulas” notes, doulas bring culturally responsive support and proactive education into hospice care, closing vital gaps in our current systems.
If you’re seeking clarity, comfort, or simply someone to hold the space as you or your loved one explores this journey—consider how working with a death doula may bring peace, presence, and purpose during a deeply human process. Please reach out to me and let’s connect.